we had something unfortunate happen to our family last week -- dork got laid off from his job (with the lousy economic times, his company cut positions across the board and as the newest employee, he was a casualty). the good news is that he's able to collect unemployment, he has lots of time to look for a job while he's home during the day, and he's able to spend time with morgan on the days that she's not in school.
for most moms, that would indeed seem like good news, and in reality, it *is* great that daddy and morgan have had some fun times together last week and this week. but as a working mom, i can't help but feel a little jealous when my husband tells me about the fun they had at the railroader's museum (and when he sends me a pic on my phone to prove it!) or feel just a bit resentful when they ask me to join them for lunch and i'm unable to because of a work commitment.
i stopped in to see them on my way to my lunch appointment last week and they were having a fun time together -- just the two of them -- but instead of feeling happy that she was having alone time with daddy during the day, i shed a few tears on my way to my meeting. i was sorry that i wasn't with them and a bit resentful that they were having fun without me and that morgan didn't cry whenever i left.
we did have lunch together today, just the three of us, and it was great -- morgan was happy to see me and we had a nice time. but when it was time to go and morgan was talking about seeing the animals at the zoo and daddy said that he'd take her there if she wanted to go, mommy guilt smacked me in the heart as i drove back to my office to finish up my afternoon while the two of them continued to play.
most of the time, i just deal with being a working mom and i manage my time at work and my time with morgan just fine. she and i do fun things together when i'm away from work and i spend all of the free time i possibly can with her or take her to activities as part of two mom's groups that i belong to, so she's by no means starved for love or playmates. but i hate that it's now my husband who's causing me to feel guilty about being a full-time working mommy; then again, i can't possibly expect for him to understand mommy guilt and i know deep down that i should just cherish the time they're spending together now, since it will hopefully be back to business-aw-usual when he finds a job and i'll wish that he was around more to be with morgan!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
letting it all hang out...
i haven't written here in a while and i regret that. first of all, i love to write and, while i get to write occasionally for my job, it's not the creative, knock-your-socks-off creative prose that is enjoyable to write. second, blogging forces me to hone my thoughts on a topic and actually sit and ponder it for a length of time...which as a mom and a full-time employee, i don't often get to do since i'm usually running in a lot of directions and by the time i get some "me" time, it's 9pm and the last thing i feel like doing is being reflective.
fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how i look at it, i get loads of ideas to write about. those ideas, however, come at me in the most inopportune times and places, like in the shower or in the car when i'm driving to a work appointment. and while i've been known to do things like put on makeup or paint my nails while driving, even i know not to crank out a full-blown blog entry on my blackberry while on my way to dc.
another reason, though, and perhaps the most significant, is often my fear of "letting it all hang out." after all, if a blog is really to be my innermost thoughts and feelings about things, i don't always feel comfortable putting those out there....especially when the ideas i may have to write about revolve around politics, religion, or one of the many things that i find inane about society which may differ from the views of my friends or colleagues. i unfortunately have always cared too much about what others think of me...therefore, my husband (along with an ex-boyfriend or two and a few close friends) is probably the only person who would ever refer to me as a loose cannon or as opinionated or judgmental. everyone else sees me as pleasant, easygoing, and not easily rattled.
for that reason, it's easy for me to write about something funny that my daughter did or make a passing snarky comment about someone, but you'll never hear me discuss politics at work or engage in anything more than a basic smattering of religion with casual friends, and i won't engage in debates about those topics with people whose views are different than my own.
and yes, while i *do* have definite opinions on where i stand about abortion, taxes, gun control, education, and school prayer, i also have the ability to see both sides of an issue and can listen to and respect someone whose views differ from mine without the need to ram my views down their throat. i personally don't enjoy debating an issue about a heated topic -- so you can just imagine how much i hated election season, when anyone out of the blue would ask who i was voting for and then wanted to know why!! maybe that makes me seem trite or shallow...but i just don't feel that my opinion on world hunger or the size of our government is pertinent to my role as a good employee, good mom, or good friend. so go ahead and ask me about my fun trick or treat night with morgan or whether i think penn state is going to finish their season undefeated (why, that would be yes!!!)...but if you want to debate the causes of global warming or socialized medicine, talk to someone else!!
fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how i look at it, i get loads of ideas to write about. those ideas, however, come at me in the most inopportune times and places, like in the shower or in the car when i'm driving to a work appointment. and while i've been known to do things like put on makeup or paint my nails while driving, even i know not to crank out a full-blown blog entry on my blackberry while on my way to dc.
another reason, though, and perhaps the most significant, is often my fear of "letting it all hang out." after all, if a blog is really to be my innermost thoughts and feelings about things, i don't always feel comfortable putting those out there....especially when the ideas i may have to write about revolve around politics, religion, or one of the many things that i find inane about society which may differ from the views of my friends or colleagues. i unfortunately have always cared too much about what others think of me...therefore, my husband (along with an ex-boyfriend or two and a few close friends) is probably the only person who would ever refer to me as a loose cannon or as opinionated or judgmental. everyone else sees me as pleasant, easygoing, and not easily rattled.
for that reason, it's easy for me to write about something funny that my daughter did or make a passing snarky comment about someone, but you'll never hear me discuss politics at work or engage in anything more than a basic smattering of religion with casual friends, and i won't engage in debates about those topics with people whose views are different than my own.
and yes, while i *do* have definite opinions on where i stand about abortion, taxes, gun control, education, and school prayer, i also have the ability to see both sides of an issue and can listen to and respect someone whose views differ from mine without the need to ram my views down their throat. i personally don't enjoy debating an issue about a heated topic -- so you can just imagine how much i hated election season, when anyone out of the blue would ask who i was voting for and then wanted to know why!! maybe that makes me seem trite or shallow...but i just don't feel that my opinion on world hunger or the size of our government is pertinent to my role as a good employee, good mom, or good friend. so go ahead and ask me about my fun trick or treat night with morgan or whether i think penn state is going to finish their season undefeated (why, that would be yes!!!)...but if you want to debate the causes of global warming or socialized medicine, talk to someone else!!
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