Like many of us, I'm just trying to keep my head above water right now. It seems like just a few short weeks ago, I was looking forward to heading to United Lutheran Seminary's Gettysburg campus for a week-long intensive class -- for those just tuning in, I'm a seminary student who's in my last year of M.Div. classes before I head out on internship for a year and then, if all goes well, I'll graduate in May 2021 and become a Lutheran (ELCA) pastor shortly thereafter.
But then the virus hit: my week-long visit to campus turned into a week of camping out at my kitchen table and logging into Zoom while strategically trying to position my laptop to hide the containers of slime my daughter created that were looming in the background. My week of vacation to take my class turned into a longer "vacation" as I was laid off from my job, as churches are seen as non-essential businesses -- and if a church isn't open for business, then there's no reason to keep their office manager on payroll until businesses start opening back up again. And after four weeks of being at home in the midst of everything being shut down, it dawned on me that one of the many things I enjoy doing yet never seem to have time to do -- writing -- is something that I now have no excuse not to do. And especially if it helps me find some sanity and solace in what's (to me, at least) an anxiety-inducing situation right now.
If you take a minute to look back on when I first started this blog, it was more than 10 years ago. Go ahead and read some of the entries if you want to see what was going through my head as I struggled with being a new mom who was trying to juggle all that was going on in my life at the time -- which I loved, even though it was a struggle. I loved it because juggling is what I've always done. It's what I know *how* to do.
First job at 16 just because I wanted to earn my own money, even though I was in school and my parents took care of what I needed? Sign me up! Full-time job and part-time job on the side, just to keep active? Yes, please! Kid and husband and time with friends for drinks and business functions and church activities and PTA meetings and running to Target at 10pm just because I needed a change of scenery? Why, of course. That's the kind of gal I am....or was. And now, the big decisions facing me each day are what color of leggings to throw on (today is dk. grey), what to binge-watch on Netflix or Amazon Prime (a resounding YES to The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and a "don't waste your time" on the train wreck that is Tiger King), and just like everyone else, do I need to shower or can I just douse myself with Bath & Body Works, throw my hair back in a pony and call it a day (ummm, I called it a day today 😜).
So yes, while some of you may be loving this quarantine and capitalizing on the opportunity to organize your sock drawer or spices, KonMari your closets, or redo your pantry or window frames or anything else you can buy from Lowes and Home Depot, that's just not me. Yes, I have countless things that need done around the home but so far haven't found any interest in taking on said projects, although I do love the creative outlet of making lunch and dinner for the family as we all take a break from our online classes (Morgan's junior high home school and my seminary classes) and Tim working at home.
This is the first time since I was 16 years old that I haven't worked, and it's really a weird feeling. It makes me realize that I put a lot of my identity into what I did for a living. It also helps me see that even though I'm a person who doesn't like a lot of structure, I also hate being bored and need to keep busy and have some interesting things to do -- otherwise, my mind goes into overdrive and anxiety sets in.
It's also an odd time because FOMO was a very real thing for me for quite a while. FOMO -- fear of missing out. If you've never had it, it's basically the feeling that someone is out there having more fun than you. Doing something cooler than you. And that there is probably something more interesting or exciting happening out there than what you're doing right now and you're missing out on it...this is a great explanation of it! But the quarantine has been the best cure for FOMO because there simply aren't the distractions for our time, our energy and our attention -- and realistically, no one is doing anything too terribly awesome right now, since we are (or should be!) all inside, taking care of ourselves and our families and focusing on what really and truly matters.
In fact, the only ones who are doing anything really cool and awesome right now -- and which I have absolutely no desire to miss out on because I chose a different career path! -- are the nurses, doctors, and health care workers who are caring for those in the fight against covid-19 and those who are researching a cure. They are the real heroes and the ones making a difference right now. So, if anything, the quarantine has helped me realize that the only things I'm truly missing out on are the human interactions we take for granted: giving someone a hug after church....having lunch with a friend....visiting my father-in-law...leading worship....chatting with our bible study attendees and making coffee for them. But I'm also fortunate that, in a time of social distancing, I get to social distance with my husband and daughter because, even though we drive each other crazy at times, there's nowhere else I'd rather be right now....especially since the daughter is 14 and usually only surfaces from her room when it's time to eat 👧😄
Speaking of family, it's getting to be dinner time so that means time for being creative in the kitchen. Tonight is stir-fry Asian veggies and rice noodles -- if you have any meals you've made during quarantine that you've enjoyed, feel free to share!! Pics of dinner coming tomorrow...in the meantime, stay safe and wash your hands!!
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