one of the best parts of my job is that i get to travel and meet with alumni and donors for the college where i work, and that means i often get to stay over if i'm going to be out of town. because i have a two year-old, my single male colleague usually does the bulk of the extended travel, but i still have a night or two each month away from home.
i felt bad about being away from home when i first started the job last year -- my daughter had just turned one and, in my mind, was still a baby who needed me there 24/7. now that she's two, i don't feel so bad about not being there every minute of the day; she has a great time with my mom and my hubby, and it makes the time that i am with her all that more special. but i still can't help feeling a bit guilty as i sit in my hotel room outside of d.c., savoring the last few chapters of jen lancaster's "such a pretty fat" without the interruption of cries or 'mamamamamamama.' a tiny part of me feels bad that i'm not with her at this minute, but the rest of me is savoring the trip...the crisp, pristine white sheets...the floor that i can step down on without fear of breaking a crayon into bits or feeling the sharp corner of a wooden block on my bare foot...and the simple fact that i could watch all of 'american idol' without Dork flipping through 37 channels during the commercial break.
sitting here with my book on my lap, tv tuned to one channel, and laptop open and sitting beside me on the bed makes me fondly reminisce about my single days, before Dork and morgan, when i could watch whatever i wanted without interruptions and when i knew that my computer was safe without the threat of tiny fingers tapping on it or spilling cereal on the keyboard. but then i remember the sound of her little laugh, and how my heart almost bursts every day when i pick her up from school and she runs over to see me, yelling 'mamamama' and hugging my legs, and suddenly those 'happy' memories of being single and carefree aren't as appealing after all. see, i'm lucky because i get the best of both worlds, and i couldn't be happier....guilt or no guilt.
1 comment:
You are sooo not alone on this one. Great post and I could have written this one myself! :-)
I only work part time (3 days/week) but I am going to school as well. I have terrible guilt about not being home a couple of nights a week to the stinker to bed, but I also love being able to get out of the house for a bit.
My girlfriends and I plan atleast one good night out a month to keep sane and discuss these very same things!
Post a Comment